This may sound like a pity party type of post, but it’s really not. Ok, maybe a little, but sometimes you have to face your feelings in this business, and they’re not always bright and sunny. I’m a fairly optimistic and realistic guy as far as it comes to my place in this business of comic creating. And while I continue to try to improve my place, I don’t get too upset or depressed about it. Most of the time.
Every now and then, some little thing can hit me hard, and suddenly I’m off in my corner, wiping my tears because I’m still struggling to break in. Ok, it’s not that bad, but the emotion is there. And today was one of them. A comment by a friend, not about me, but nonetheless hit me like a wall, and I begged off the phone as quickly as I could.
I know I’m not going to make a fortune at this comic book business. I’d like to break even at it. I’ve been digging a hole deeper than one to China over the years, but even that I know is a tough row to hoe. Even knowing all that, and I think realistically realizing my place in the grand scheme of things, it’s sometimes hard when I realize that I’m not even where I think I am sometimes.
Seeing local conventions give guest status to creators with one or two comics under their belt, while they still want me to pay for a table. Yes, there is a bit of ego involved. In this business, you have to have a healthy ego, but at the same time, I can claim to be published by over two dozen publishers while publishing under my own imprint over a dozen or more comics. I don’t blame the creator; grab what you can get. Heck, I really don’t even blame the con organizers; it’s their show, and they can do what they want. I just feel like it’s my fault, that somehow I’m still not good enough to be a real “guest” and not one that pays for their way into the con.
Being passed by editors, even though they tell you they respect your work, for others. I hate writing things like this because I feel like I’m coming off as criticizing other creators, and that’s not my intent. But this is my pity party, and I’m putting these words down because no matter what you think or hope, sometimes you’re going to feel like this. You feel slighted by editors accepting work from others when you think you’re a better writer. Like I said a paragraph ago, you have to have a healthy ego in this business.
And yes, seeing your Crowdfunder struggle to find backers. Trying to drive eyeballs to it, and wondering what the problem is. Wondering why no one seems to want to buy your work. I know there’s a lot of work out there and only so many people to read it all, but sometimes it feels personal.
Scared of where your finances are when you think about them, afraid to look at your bank statement because you’ve spent so much money on comic business-related stuff that you know you’re just drowning a little bit each day. And still you spend a little bit more, in the hopes that it will help.
All these feelings are always there, but normally buried deep enough that I can, if not ignore them, at least pretend they’re not bothering me. But like I said at the beginning, every now and then it all hits at one time, and you feel like the Hulk just clobbered you.
I’m putting this on here, just because it happens, and a lot of people may not think it does. I don’t have any answers on how to get past it, except that I will. Tomorrow, as Annie sings, is another day, and I’ll wake up feeling more positive and ready to make more comics.
So look at it like this, sometimes you deserve your own pity party.